Survey Time

It’s that wonderful time of year again; it’s time to take the annual employee survey!  Of course flunktional managers get graded on how many of their minions complete the survey, so I’m always torn if I should throw rocks by not completing the survey or throw rocks by unloading on the survey.  I usually opt to complete the survey because it’s better than having to talk to my flunktional manager about why I wasn’t “able” to make the time to complete the survey.

Since I’m taking the survey I use it to try to throw rocks.  There is an art form when completing the survey.  You have to be able to point out all the things that make the Shitshow the Shitshow without out coming across as a complete wacko in which your comments get automatically thrown away.

For example you can’t say:
This place is a complete joke, the schedules are so screwed up that they make me puke.

Instead you have to say:
I find it frustrating trying to implement lean practices to help reduce cost when functional managers make us hold sell off meetings before the product is ready to sell off, causing traveled work, just because their executive director demanded the sell off be held by a certain date.

It’s a matter of using as many buzz words as possible while pointing out how flunktional managers say one thing then do another which goes against Shitshow process.  It’s also the perfect time to recall some of King Kong’s primordial burst of rage when talking about how safe you feel your work environment or when talking about the openness to suggest new ideas.  

Odds are nothing will change as a result of the survey.  However, it is a satisfying feeling when I hit complete at the end of the survey.  As with any thrown rock, it provides a little hope.  Who knows, the rocks might actually make and impact just like when David took down Goliath.  

Because I’m forced to decide between taking a survey which will result in no changes and talking to my flunktional manager about why I didn’t take the survey, I throw rocks.