"Help Needed"

One of the things that I hate worst at my Shitshow job is when people ask me "do you need help" or "is help needed". In theory, this sounds fantastic. Think about it.....if someone is late or struggling, the logical thing to do would be to ask them what they need help with to get back on track, but of course thats only theory. In my current lead role, we are significantly behind schedule (par for the course at the Shitshow) and management constantly asks me "what help is needed" and I respond with the following:

- Non-new hire employees
- Employees experienced in what we are doing
- More computers
- More senior engineers and subject matter experts
- A realistic schedule and deadlines

Of course, when I ask management for these things, they tell me they will work on it but they never do anything about it. To add insult to injury, they will literally ask me every day, make me hold status meetings, and send out daily email all concerning "help needed". After dealing with this utter nonsense for months on end, one begins to lose his goddamn mind and start responding to management with phrases such as "the help needed has been the same for two weeks, do something about it" or "who cares, youre not going to give me the help I need anyways." Phrases such as this, while 100% accurate and true, do no go well with the management, as one can imagine.

This dog and pony show of help needed is just so when the shit hits the fan, management can point fingers every which way and say "we asked him everyday what help he needed" and try to place blame elsewhere. Another popular manager phrase is to say "you were not vocal enough when asking for help needed", but I would send 10 emails a day and leave countless voicemails.

Because when I ask for help functional management spits on my ass without the courtesy of even calling it rain, I throw rocks.