Enron Math

Every year the Shitshow provides all of their minions with a summary of their total salary and benefits.  In theory this seems like a great idea, however as with anything provided by the Shitshow it’s a complete joke.  Within seconds you can see the Shitshow is a graduate of the Jeff Skilling School of Accounting. 

To calculate the total benefits, the Shitshow simply sums the following numbers:

Annual Salary

Company paid health insurance

Company paid life insurance

Shitshow bonus

Shitshow service award gift certificates

Annual Allotment of Vacation Time

Annual Allotment of Sick Time

Now this is where ex-Enron executives smile and remember the good old days.  Adding sick time and vacation time on top of your salary just doesn’t add up.  If you call in sick or take a vacation day you don’t get that pay on top of your regular pay, you get sick or vacation pay instead of your regular pay.

It even gets worse if you think about it a little more.  As mentioned in I’m Going to Disneyland, your sick time gets cut in half every year.  And to top that off it only pays out  ¼ hour for every hour accumulated if you retire from the Shitshow or get laid off.  If you leave on your accord you get nothing.

Lastly, the Shitshow caps your vacation time to 2 times you’re annual allotment. If you never take a day off and expect to cash out after more than 2 years at the Shitshow, oh well.

Because my total benefits summary would bring a tear to Jeff Skilling’s eye, I throw rocks.