Layoffs

Every now and then the Shitshow has to lay off people; I always see this as a time of hope.  Unfortunately I’ve never been lucky enough.   In previous rounds of layoffs you could volunteer to be laid off, well not any more!

Flunktional managers used to love when people would volunteer to be laid off, after all it took away one of there only jobs they had to perform thus their day that much easier.  At first glance you might think that it would be logical to see if anybody wanted to be laid off as it would potentially save the job of someone that actually wanted to stay while giving the volunteer a severance package as a thank you.   So what was the problem?

During the last round of layoffs only the good workers, people who made up the 10% of people who do actual work, volunteered to be laid off.  The flunktional managers were dumbfounded.  After a deep dive on what was going on they realized that these true top performers could easily get a job at any other Shitshow for more money while getting a nice severance package.  On the flip side, all the Bob figures and people like Queen Perfumer were afraid of having to interview at another Shitshow and exposing the fact they were worthless.

So now the flunktional managers actually have to do a little work to determine who to layoff.  Of course this decision isn’t based on skill sets or performance reviews, it’s based on who has a charge number and who doesn’t. 

Because I’m on a project with no end in sight, which means there’s no hope for me to be laid off even if I ask nicely, I throw rocks.