Fixing the Parking Situation - III

We have an update on the parking situation. (Before you read this post, make sure you familiarize yourself with the posts Fixing the Parking Situation - I and Fixing the Parking Situation - II)

After numerous complaints from employees and a few car accidents, it appears someone has finally taken notice of the incredibly dangerous parking situation that the Shitshow unnecessarily created. Maybe someone in the Legal department finally realized that if they don’t do something about the ten intersections in the parking lot, the Shitshow might have a lawsuit on its hands. Not only are the car accidents going to continue, but it’s only a matter time before a car runs somebody over.

So today, an corporate email was sent out to “explain the ongoing parking improvements that will be going on over the weekend.” The best part of the email was that it was hilariously titled “Safety First” The email begins with an explanation of why the Shitshow decided to screw up the parking situation in the first place (explained in Fixing the Parking Situation - I). Next, they describe how they will paint the word ‘STOP’ at each of the ten dangerous intersections that they created in the middle of the parking lot (see Fixing the Parking Situation – II). And because there are still non-employees using the parking lot as a short cut (which was the main reason for the parking lot redesign), they will put up a sign at the entrance that says “No Thru Traffic”.

Of course, everyone knows that this isn’t going to fix anything. If they really wanted to fix it, all they’d have to do is make it back to normal. But no, they’re just gonna keep trying to make it work. Meanwhile, people will roll through the ‘STOP’ markers at each intersection. They almost have to because you can’t see anything unless you slightly pass the parked SUVs that are blocking your view at each intersection. And non-employees will ignore the “No Thru Traffic” signs because…well, we already have those signs. I guess they will can the font bigger; that’ll really scare ‘em away!

No, this “Fixing the Parking Situation” is far from over. Stay tuned for more posts!