Taking it from the street to the Shitshow

The other night I saw a very inspiring documentary about street art, Exit Through the Gift Shop. The documentary showed how street artists took their art to the street to make a statement. Many of the artists would plaster the same image over and over again at different locations around the world. During the movie I thought to myself why not start throwing rocks at the Shitshow with this type of art movement.

After the movie I reached out to a friend who is also stuck at the Shitshow but who is also an artist, Mr. Sunshine. We brainstormed about what we could do, and more importantly what you could do.

If you haven’t already, I encourage you to print out Janser’s previously posted Throwing Mud comic strips. Post them in your cube, on your office door, on shared bulletin boards, and so on. This will be good practice for the next step.

Over the next couple of weeks, I will be releasing Mr. Sunshine images on this blog. The first four will be Mr. Sunshine’s interpretations of the “major 4” Shitshow logos. When your Shitshow logo is released, print out multiple copies and post them around your work area on cubes, in kitchens, on bathroom stalls, on office windows and so on.

Rock throwing tip: You may need to print the logos at home and make copies at work, that way they don’t track your user logon to the print job.

Because you work at a Shitshow, it’s time to start throwing rocks.

Contract Oversight - III

Another day at the Shitshow and another legendary meeting with an independent reviewer. Now remember, these independent reviewers are supposed to be the crème de le crème, the best in the industry. See Contractor – I and Contractor – II.

At today’s meeting the independent reviewer was supposed to be a subsystem expert. The only problem was that she didn’t know the basics of the subsystem. The entire meeting was spent giving the equivalent of a college freshman introduction to a potential major. Half the time she tried to ask a question, she couldn’t even figure out how to ask what she didn’t understand.

After the meeting she left and a couple of us stuck around. One of the senior managers who stuck around after the meeting said “man, there is some major overhead associated with that reviewer.”

Because independent reviewers can make Queen Perfume seem like she’s at the head of the class, I throw rocks.

Facilities Management

I did a walk through of the Shitshow building today. I couldn't but help notice that there are alot of empty cubes on my floor. It's quite a change, considering at one point we had so many people, that we sometimes had two engineers doubled up in one cube. How did this cubicle vacancy happen? Perhaps some people retired, or maybe it was just a result of the multiple moves we have had over the years.

Nobody ever really moves anywhere, they just get reshuffled to different cubicles. Moves happen when management has extra budget sitting around. Rather than spend it on employee development, they decide to blow the extra budget by reshuffling everyone around to create more "synergy". The flaw in this effort is that engineers don't communicate with each other anyway. You could have two engineers sit directly next to each other, and they will still communicate only by email or IM. I know one engineer who, after five moves, ended up in the exact same cube he started in. Very effective.

Of course, when there is no excess budget, they don't move anyone. So as I'm walking through the building today, I see not only empty cubes and empty offices, but then I come across some new hires that STILL doubled up in one cube. All these empty cubes, and these guys are STILL sharing a cube the size of a ping-pong table!

"Sorry, we'd love to move you, but we don't have any budget. Also, you're not allowed to move yourselves either, as that would violate company rules.
Sincerely,
- Management"

Because I should feel lucky to have my own cube, I throw rocks.

Fire Alarm Drill

Last week the Shitshow held a fire alarm drill. For this test we all had to evacuate our building, wait outside until building sweeps were performed, take roll call outside and report any missing persons. All and all it’s about a 30 minute drill. I’m all for being prepared but of course this was done in pure Shitshow style.

The day the drill was held was the rainiest day of the year. It was known for days in advance that the chances of rain were 90% but the Shitshow didn’t care. It was also known that the storm would have passed by the next day, but I guess when there is so much Shitshow momentum involved it’s impossible to postpone for a day.

It gets better. In an effort to save money, we were asked to perform this mandatory drill on our own time. We weren’t allowed to charge overhead nor were we allowed to charge to the program we were working on. To help us find an extra 30 minutes of our time, it was suggested that we take a shorter lunch or stay an extra half hour today.

Because being safe at the Shitshow requires me to stand out in the cold wet rain unpaid, I throw rocks.

The Secret of My Success

In today’s post, I offer a quote from a great 80s movie called The Secret of My Success, starring Michael J. Fox. The film is about a recent college grad who struggles to get a foothold in the business world. I believe the quote pretty much sums up how crazy things are for someone looking for that first job or trying to change careers.

In one of the first scenes, Brantley Foster (played by Michael J. Fox), a confident, young college grad, has just wrapped up an interview with the hiring manager of a prospective employer.

Hiring Manager: I'm sorry, Mr. Foster. We need someone with experience.
Brantley Foster: But how can I get any experience until I get a job that GIVES me experience?
Hiring Manager: If we gave you a job just to give you experience, you'd take that experience and get a better job. Then that experience would benefit someone else.
Brantley Foster: Yeah, but I was trained in college to handle a job like this, so in a sense I already have experience.
Hiring Manager: What you've got is college experience, not the practical, hard-nosed business experience we're looking for. If you'd joined our training program out of high-school, you'd be qualified for this job now.
Brantley Foster: Then why did I go to college?
Hiring Manager: [laughs] Well you had fun, didn't you?

(Sadly, it’s even worse if you went back to school for a Masters because you probably didn’t have any fun doing it.)

Because every business out there wants someone with experience and believes nobody is worth training, I throw rocks.

Slap Silly

At a staff meeting today Jim, one of the flunktional managers, announced he was leaving his position to take a program management role. It took us all by surprise since this flunky had only been in the position for about a year. After Jim’s announcement, his manager (a Zookeeper in Training) started to give a good-bye thank you speech in pure Shitshow fashion. The speech started off with a quick thank you then went into to a long description on what he would like Jim’s replacement to be doing. Translation, I want the new flunktional manager to do all the things that Jim either didn’t or wasn’t able to due. What a slap in the face, even for the Shitshow.

It get’s better. The Zookeeper in Training then says “so if any of you know someone with those skills please tell them to apply to the job opening.” Translation, no one in this room is going to get the job (so much for career development within your own function) but please spread the word to those who are qualified. What a skill, the Zookeeper in Training was able to slap everyone in the room in one quick swipe.

Any one with people management common sense could easily tell you that what the Zookeeper in Training did was wrong on every single level, but as you know people skills is not a requirement to be management at the Shitshow.

Because the only people skill the Zookeeper in Training has is slapping people silly, I throw rocks.

Must Have Prior Experience

As some of you may have surmised, I am desperately trying to get out of engineering and into a leadership position, such as management. Unfortunately, my efforts are hindered by one requirement that I see in every single job posting I come across: every management position out there (including those at the Shitshow) is looking for someone with prior management experience.

Now I have a beef with that because it implies that anyone with prior management experience will be a better manager than anyone without management experience. But if every person in management was a good manager, why do so many people hate their jobs and their bosses? Why do so many people see their bosses as incompetent? Why do so many companies go from cutting edge to falling behind the pack? Poor management, of course. In fact, poor management is so common that there is even a saying in the Consulting Industry: “If you don’t know the root of the problem, take a look at Management. If still you can’t find what’s wrong, take another look at Management.”

So why is everyone pretending that management experience is always a plus? There are a ton of bad managers out there, and the business world just keeps shuffling them around. If you ask me, there are a lot more bad managers out there than good ones. Odds are you’d be better off hiring someone without management experience. At least then there’d be a chance for some fresh new ideas. Yes, I know that’s just wishful thinking. I just hope that by the time I do get some managerial experience, I won’t be jaded, having learned everything from the “mentors” above me at the Shitshow.

Because even the worst managers at the Shtishow are still more marketable than me, I throw rocks.