In Remembrance of... - II

9 years ago today, two employees at this Shitshow lost their lives in the 9/11 attacks. A tragic event for their families, friends in addition to everyone that was somehow impacted by the events that unfolded that day.

In remembrance of these two employees the Shitshow decided to put up large wall displays (36” by 48” or larger) as a tribute to them. The displays include their pictures along with a nice little biographical description of them. But as it does with every job, the Shitshow half-assed this job too. The pictures the Shitshow decided to use were enlarged from their badge ID photos, photos that are even low resolution for a 1” by 1” photo on an ID badge. The end result is pixilated blurry pictures of two great losses. I guess it was too much work for a Bob figure to work with the widows of the two employees to find a nice suiting picture for a tribute.

Because when the Shitshow does acknowledge a tragedy the execution is disgraceful, I throw rocks.

Savings Initiative -I

Well, it’s that time of year again for a Savings Initiative, where the whole team tries to come up with ways to save money on the program. In aerospace, there are three things that can kill a program: cost, schedule, and weight. Any time the program has grossly exceeded one of these limits (i.e. skyrocketing costs, way behind on schedule, or the product weights too much), Program Management delegates a Savings Initiative to identify the causes of these excesses and resolve them. Unfortunately, what management never seems to understand is the conflicting relationship these three areas (cost, schedule, weight) have with each other.

For example, two years ago there was a Savings Initiative on weight. All things fly in Aerospace so they need to be as light as possible. Everyone was asked to brainstorm a bunch of ideas on how to save weight and submit them to management for review. Most of the good ideas were rejected because they only saved a little weight. But some of the really crazy ideas got approved even though they were unlikely to work.

So fast forward to a year later and guess happened? The crazy weight-savings ideas added alot of cost, mostly because they couldn’t be built. So schedule falls behind as we try to fix all the problems the weight-saving ideas created. And that’s where we are now – management has now delegated there be a Savings Initiative for schedule. This Savings Initiative really takes the cake though because management decided to tackle this one on its own. To be continued…

Because everything management tries to fix at the Shitshow creates new and worse problems, I throw rocks.

Perks of the Job – II

Today a college friend who works in the entertainment industry told me about a company wide picnic she went to today, the second one in two weeks. This one was done to the tops: hot dogs, hamburgers, bbq chicken, an ice cream sundae bar, frozen novelties, cotton candy, popcorn, rock climbing, super slide, henna tattoos, face painting, carnival games, caricatures, prizes, and more - all for free!

Last week at the Shitshow’s morale event I had to pay for soggy tacos and to hang out on a rundown cement patio with my co-workers.

Because I pay 5 bucks to be demoralized at the Shitshow, I throw rocks.

In Remembrance of...

The following story isn't funny, but it is true. Sadly, someone at one of the other local Shitshows apparently took their life last week. I don't know much about it, other than the man was middle-aged and had worked at the Shitshow for several years. Then last week, he shot himself while at home. Apparently, the Shitshow that he worked at hasn't even acknowledged his passing. For the next few days, his computer was left on and his cube still looked occupied. Then after the long weekend, all his stuff was cleaned up and his nameplate gone, just like that, with no mention of what happened to the guy in cube 3N4B2.

And that's it. Back to business as usual. After working for several years at the Shitshow, the memory of him was simply cleaned up and never spoken of again. In the same manner that he vanished from this earth, so did his legacy at the Shitshow. Funny, I thought that one the most important assets we have at the Shitshow is our people. If that were true, shouldn't they at least say a few kind words?

Because the Shitshow can't acknowledge a tragedy and give its due respect, I throw rocks.

Overtime

One of the benefits of working at the Shitshow is that they actually pay overtime. However there are strings attached to getting paid overtime.

First of all you need your flunktional manager to approve overtime for a certain period. If your manager is King Kong, good luck with that…he can’t even approve a credit card charge. Secondly, overtime has to fall within certain rules such as it has to be at least 2 hours a day and be at least twice a week. Basically they don’t want people charging if they need to stay late once a week to meet some deadline no matter how important it is.

So this is how I throw overtime charging rocks.

1) During a busy time, ask for approval but get put the end date as far into the future as the automated process allows
2) Tell my program management I can’t work overtime until my flunktional manager approves it. This results in the flunktional managers getting nasty gram emails from the program managers until it gets approved
3) When possible, rearrange my task such that I’m charging overtime for overhead activities (like mandatory training). This sits off an entire chain of nasty grams and requires responses from multiple people.
4) When I’m in a position of loosing my sick time (it gets cut in half every year at the Shitshow) or vacation time, charge 8 hours for sick/vacation time then overtime for any real work I do that day. In fact Nunn once charge 8 hours of vacation time followed by 8 hours of overtime on the same day and King Kong blindly signed the time card

Because I have to jump through hoops to get paid for the work I actually do, I throw rocks and charge it as overtime.

Party Like a Rock Star

Today at lunch I ran into King Kong. Trying to connect with me he decided to sit down next to me and eat his lunch. This was a dream come true. Knowing he was armed with a cafeteria full of chairs, I treaded lightly. During our casual, “hey look at me I’m a worn out flunktional manager but can still relate with the younger generation” conversation he asked what I was doing this weekend. I told him that I was just going to relax and get caught up on personal business. He was shocked and somewhat disappointed. He looked at me and said “When I was your age I used to party like a fucking rock star!” I swear to you, that is a direct quote. He then went on too talk about all his cool plans for the weekend which involved riding dirt bikes and drinking. Very reassuring that a guy in charge of peoples careers and oversees multi-million dollar projects at the Shitshow still knows how to live it up.

Because King Kong still parties like its 1999, I throw rocks.

King Kong: A Love Story

So when you see horrible manangement like King Kong you often have to wonder how someone like that got into that position in the first place. So I did some research on King Kong and found at that he graduated from the esteemed university of Chico State at the age of 28. How freakin impressive! I also found that his father used to be a manager in our department.....well now this is all starting to make sense! I mean, how can a person so incompetent get into a position of management? Only at the Shitshow! Nepotism runs deep! I mean who can get away with having a retention rate of less than 5 years for all employees, throw chairs as a way to cope with anger management, scream at the top of his lungs at employees, have every project that he is in charge of go millions of dollars over budget and years behing schedule......that's shitshow management material if you ask me. If anything, the Zookeeper should be worried that King Kong might take his job for flunking more than he ever could imagine.

Because my dad didnt get me a promotion to management at the Shitshow for throwing chairs and screaming at employees, I throw rocks.