Jacko's Last Chapter

January 3^rd was the first day back to work after the holiday break (holiday break is a misnomer, it’s really just all the holidays he should have gotten throughout the year stacked up at the end of the year), so I did the only thing I could think of, I put in my two week notice and decided to take 2 weeks of vacation which ended this past Friday!

Why did I wait until the beginning of the year?  I wanted to make sure I got my bonus from last year (which you don’t get if you leave on your own) and I wanted to get my holiday time off with pay. 

So what happened?  During the break, I was watching TV and What Happens in Vegas came on.  There was one line in the movie that really struck a chord with me:  “I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love.”

It was at that point I decided I was going to quit and figure out what to do after that. When I walked into my flunktional manager’s office to tell him, he was a little shocked.  When he asked me why I was leaving, he just had a blank look on his face when I simply said “I’d rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don’t love."  He then asked if I had an offer at another Shitshow, I answered with continued "I don’t have another offer, I just know I can’t work here anymore."  The blank look on his face was worth a million thrown rocks. 

Because I hated my job, I threw the only rock I had left to throw and quit. 

Promoted

Every now and then I almost convince myself that management decisions at the Shitshow aren’t as bad as I make them out to be, that perhaps I tend to exaggerate things.  But every time I do, something like this happens.

A coworker of mine, who is actually half way descent, just returned from a 6 month leave of absence.   Taking 6 months off isn’t that big of a deal, and I actually think it’s a good way to throw rocks if you can afford it.  But what boggles my mind is the day he got back from his leave of absence he got a promotion.  That’s right, taking ½ a year off, only adding cost to the Shitshow, lead to a promotion.   

In the meantime I’m mentoring people 2 levels above me, doing a good portion of Queen Perfume’s work, babysitting “senior” engineers, and working over the holiday break and what do I get?  Absolutely nothing!

Because the fastest way to the top is to take vacation, I throw rocks. 

Holiday Depression

Every year during the holiday season people get depressed, for some it’s a serious issue.  Well at the Shitshow, holiday depression has its own twist.

Usually holiday season depression is a result of people missing loved ones or feeling lonely As the holidays approach and on the actual holiday.  However, that’s not the case at the Shitshow. At the Shitshow people are elated as the Holidays approach.  Why you might ask? It’s simple, the Shitshow closes down for almost 2 weeks, and we still get paid! 

Of course Shitshow minions still get depressed but that depression usually doesn’t start until a couple of days before the holiday break is over with the depression going into full swing that first week back.

Because I’m too depressed to work, I throw rocks.  

Don’t Call us, We’ll Call You

This story was submitted by a long time fellow rock thrower.  He left the company about 6 months ago but still gets reminded of his past almost everyday.  When he told me why, I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

When I worked at the Shitshow I never liked working in my cubical.  From my cubical neighbor insisting on using the speaker phone to a girl down the row from me cussing at her mom on almost a daily basis, I’m sure you can understand.  So I’d spend my day walking around or hanging out at my friends cube. 

Since the Shitshow wouldn’t approve a cell phone for me, nor could I have voice messages forwarded to my pager, I decided to have calls to my office voice mail forwarded to by personal cell phone.  I figured this would make it seem like I just stepped away from the cube if my manger called or something like that.

Well when I left I asked my manager and HR what would happen to my voicemail and the call forward feature.  The both assured me it would automatically be disconnected within 24 hours of my last day and I didn’t have to do anything. 

Guess what?  My Shitshow voicemail is still active and I get a forwarded call about once a day.  I tried contacting King Kong multiple times without success.  I finally got a hold of him and told him my situation.  He said he’d have to submit a work order to get this fixed but would have to do a lot of extra paper work since the work order was for a phone number no longer associated with an employee.  That was 2 months ago, and so far today I’ve received 3 forwarded messages. 

Because I’m reminded daily that I worked at the Shitshow, I still throw rocks. 

You’re a mean one, Mr. Guard

As it’s been pointed out many times before in the InSecurity posts, the Shitshow security brings us safety only the Shitshow could be proud to contract out.  Well I’m sure this story would bring even a smile to the Grinch.  

Last Friday I saw a Shitshow legend (on the status of Bob), trying to bring in pre-wrapped presents to give to all the managers he works for and all of their office administrators.  Much to his surprise, after walking past the same InSecurity guard he has for the past 2 years without ever being asked to inspect a bag, the guard asked to see the bag full of presents. 

After a long explanation the InSecurity guard was not satisfied and demanded that all the presents be unwrapped so he could inspect them for security threats.  Despite your thoughts about this, the Shitshow factor kicks in big time is that during this whole incident other employees were walking in with laptop bags and oversized purses without being checked!  

Because not even the Grinch could come up with such and awful good security plan, I throw rocks. 

Mr. Sunshine - The Writing is in the Heart

Mr. Sunshine just sent me his latest piece.  He titled in "The Writing is in the Heart" which I'm guessing is a play on words from The (Revolving) Door Code - III.  Whatever the inspiration was, it's another classic.  Feel free to print it out and hang it with pride!

Because receiving this image was the best part of my work day, I throw rocks. 

Queen Perfume’s Reply

Not too long ago a co-worker found a way out of the Shitshow!  With about a week before his final day he sent out a mass email to all the people he worked with through the years saying good-bye and giving thanks for all of the support they provided.  That is not what this post is about; it’s about the Queens response. 

Despite being out on her leave of absence the Queen still took time to respond.  At first my friend though the Queen was going to wish him the best of luck, and thank him for doing most if not all of her work during the last year. 

Of course he was wrong.  The Queen replied with, “Before you go, can you finish this one task so I won’t have to deal with it when I get back?”   After almost falling out from his chair from laughing, he immediately deleted the email.

Because not even Bill Lumbergh could out sleaze Queen Perfume, I throw rocks.